Allowing Autonomy

Roadside Rescue
When you can't get your car to start, you might call out roadside rescue. When a child is reluctant, or even refuses to do something it can be a struggle, for them and for us. Sometimes distraction works, sometimes a positive when- then. It can be helpful to see it as struggling to make a start - then looking at what might be beneath the behaviour.

Sometimes distraction works, sometimes a positive when-then. It can be helpful to see it as struggling to make a start - then looking at what might be beneath the behaviour.

The connection between avoidance and autonomy
But this weekend a light bulb went on in my brain - making a simple connection between avoidance and autonomy.

I was at the Autism and ADHD conference in London, hearing lived- experienced experts who have studied their struggles and made connections that have helped them and helped others. Vivien Dawes was speaking about P.D.A. - Pathological Demand Avoidance. I had previously seen this as a pretty extreme condition and supported the adults around these children with alternatives to no – with binary choices, with shared scripts, equipping the adults to empower the children with alternative ways of working.

Hero, Headstrong Hunter
I had not previously seen avoidance as a cry for autonomy, as a brain that is biased more to Hero, Headstrong, Hunter rather than Carer, Communicator, Considerate.

I had only viewed P.D.A. in its simplest terms. Seeing that those who struggle with no, may also struggle with making a start on things that they know they need to do, has made sense of so much: of struggling to sit still, of having to stay in the same place, of actively delaying making a start on something that simply can’t be avoided- you’ve got it - procrastination !

(There are many other reasons we may be struggling to make a start which we can unpick another day, but, understanding that avoidance is often a cry for autonomy is a great place to start .)

Procrastination!
I have become a master of procrastinating and can predict when I will do it. I even timed how long I procrastinated last time I had to do my finances - four hours and twenty-eight minutes!

My blog always links to my FingerTips Five-Finger Thinking tool; today it’s finger number four - the ring finger - Repetition of the Right Thing and our strategy is A.A. Not the little yellow van that comes and rescues your car, but ALLOWING AUTONOMY. Wherever practical and possible- give a child a choice, if not in the task itself, then in the way they approach it - let them choose where to sit, the tools to use, the time of day to do it… and do the same for yourself. And when you have figured out what works- repeat it, try it tomorrow too!

Repetition of the Right Thing

• What is repetition of the right thing for the child you care about?
• What is repetition of the right thing for the apprentice you are mentoring?
• What is repetition of the right thing for you?

You can find out more about the FingerTips TALKING TOGETHER TOOL here, and if you like the way I look at learning, I would love to talk with you, with your team and at your event. Call me the old-fashioned way on 07816 408181 or seek me out on socials @AliMcClureEP