I feel so much better!

What helps you? Who helps you??
In life and in learning, I seem to have a knack for seeing where there is a struggle and be able to help someone, better still, be able to help them to help themselves. I had such a humbling and human opportunity to do this just last week.

I belong to the loveliest, tiniest infant school and… we had visitors. Our friends the Ofsted inspectors came to call. Apart from speaking to them about our SEND, my role was to ensure that all our TA team were comfortable and confident in what they do, why they do it and the difference it makes.

Struggling for what to say?
A member of our lunch time team came to find me. I did the check-in to be sure they were confident in speaking about safeguarding, but it quickly became apparent that this lovely lady was anxious, that she might not be able to answer the questions, that she might say the wrong thing. She said that when she ‘is put on the spot’ she panics and ends up struggling for what to say.

I asked her if she would mind if I took just five minutes to ask her a few questions. I thought I had a tool that might help her…

Five Finger Thinking
I used the FingerTips Five Finger Thinking framework - and encouraged her to do the hand gestures alongside her answers so it would stick with her.

Thumbs Up
“What are you particularly proud of in your work with the children at lunchtimes?”
“My relationships with the children.” (She shone as she said this).

“What is it about your relationships?”
"I know all the children really well."

“What do you do to get to know them?”
"I spend time with them; I talk to them."

I am a proper part of the team.
What a great start!

The Pointing Finger
“What helps you, or who helps you?”
“All the team help me”, and she continued without prompting, “they always are happy to step up, everybody here works together and they will do any job - they will wipe tables, they sit and eat with the children, they serve the puddings.”

“How does that make you feel?”
“I feel supported, like my job is just as important as everyone else’s. I feel like I am a proper part of the team.”

The Middle Finger
“What is tricky… and how do you tackle it?”
“Oh, that’s easy, lining up.”

“What’s tricky about it?”
“There are certain children who always want to be at the front of the queue."

“Yes, I understand what you are saying - I see it when I am on lunch duty. How do you tackle it?”
She paused. Many people can talk about their problems but do not give themselves credit for the progress they have made towards resolving them.
“I used to get cross and raise my voice, but since we had the training on Talking Time with children, I now keep calm, give them clear and simple instructions, and stand up tall and quiet - modelling to them what is expected. It does not always work straight away, but it is getting better as I do it more often.”

Calm and confident
“How does it feel when it works well?”
“It feels good, and the children get into lunch quicker, so they are happier too.”

By this time, my colleague’s body language had changed, her shoulders had dropped, and she was visibly calmer.

We went on to use the final two FingerTips conversation cues and in no more five minutes, her whole demeanour had changed. She was smiling and her body language was calm and confident.

I did not get a chance to check in on how she was feeling at the end – she dived in and told me before I could ask.

She spoke for herself.
“Thank you,” she said, “that really helped - I feel so much better.” and, for the first time - we had a hug.

I hope it went well for her if our Ofsted friends asked her questions, I hope she was able to talk confidently about the fabulous job she does for our children, but more importantly- she felt good, she spoke for herself about what a great job she does – so whoever asks, she can shine inside when she tells them ‘What helps me - who helps me?’

So, point your index finger- politely please… What helped you today? Who helped you this week? And what did you discover about yourself and your learning by reflecting on it?

FingerTips Five Finger Thinking is so powerful, you can find out more about the book and the podcast, or simply share this blog with your friends and families. This will help me share this courageous and contagious strategy with millions of children and the adults around them…around the world.