Sometimes we just get on and do it!

I was in seventh heaven… the view was stunning; the service was impeccable and the food exquisite. It was probably the most perfect restaurant I had been to in years.

I was so busy enjoying the food, the company of my lovely hubby and the ambience that I hardly noticed- a family had joined the room, with two very lively little boys.

Particularly Proud…
The FingerTips catalyst question I am using to reflect with today is: ‘What are you particularly proud of?’ The thumbs- up gesture. If I had approached the adults at the table and asked them ‘What are you particularly proud of?’ they would probably not realise that they had anything particular to be proud of at that meal. Like most of us parents, we are proud of our children, our families, but particularly proud digs deeper- searches for specifics.

In this context, to discover what this family did to help these lively little boys, (both under five) cope so calmly, stay seated and enjoy the experience I would have to frame my FingerTips question- be more specific.

Fact - Your little boys were beautifully behaved at the table today

Feelings - You must have felt particularly proud of them

Future - I would love to learn what you did, how you helped them to make this happen

Helping their sons to shine
This is an imagined discussion, based on a few tiny tweaks that this lovely little family had put in place, had planned ahead to make the whole family’s mealtime a happy one and to help their sons to shine

• They had chosen a round table- no-one gets left out, everyone can see and hear the conversation
• The boys could see the swans and the boats through the wonderfully wide windows
• The parents had a bag of tricks - small toys, things the boys liked, and they had a bag each!
• The younger lad did not appear for a little time- Dad had taken him to stretch his legs…
• The restaurant provided activity books- and the mother and older child helped them to make a start
• The older children had Coke to drink - the younger ones a juicy water.

I spend so much of my time coaching parents and educators, making observations, and raising reflections that I get to see these strategies, these subtleties beneath the surface - as one kind parent remarked helping them to see and do ‘More of what works and less of what doesn’t’

Unpick a little
Let’s use the CARES technique to unpick a little…Why did these strategies work so well?

Context and Connection
The adults chose the specific context - the round table, the view, who sat next to whom.
There was connection with the children, the dad gave the little lad one to one time, allowing the mum to do the same for the four-year-old. When the children got their activity books, the adults around them took time to help them each get engrossed in something they enjoyed.

Anticipate
This family had planned ahead, likely based on previous experiences. They had come armed with grab bags, things the children felt comfortable with, things they were familiar with in an unfamiliar context. They were aware of Exercise before Expectation- Dad had taken him to stretch his legs.

Respond
There were no meltdowns, no behaviours that became challenging- however one choice (responding to previous experience) might well have contributed to this positive outcome- the younger children were not offered caffeinated fizzy drinks- but their drinks were just as beautifully presented- the boys felt part of the party.

Empower
The boys were empowered and equipped – to be able to shine, sharing their best behaviour, to have a positive experience and to enjoy the occasion.

Support
The boys were supported by the scaffolding of simple things put in place, by the choice of environment and by the positive ways the adults interacted with them.

Lasting Legacy
I am guessing that the parents would be aware of a couple of the strategies they had put in place but perhaps the others are so deeply embedded that they simply get on and do it. Whichever this is, the strategies we choose to use leave a lasting legacy, in this case making it better for their boys and for all those around them.

I am going to close by sharing with you something I am particularly proud of - how the simple strategies from my first book Making it Better for Boys are still making a difference today.

At a party recently, I met a guest-who was telling me about her son, about her work with scouts. She has been on a course and had learned lots from the strategies suggested. It was not one of my courses. She was extolling the virtues, recommending that I get in touch with the fabulous guy who ran it. I made a note of the name, then got up my website to show her my new course ‘But What About the Boys’.

She saw my name at the top of the page and exclaimed ‘I know you; you’re Ali McClure. It was you who my course leader referred to; he shared your strategies, your book is on his reading list, it is your work I still use with my son and my scouts!’

I have to say that I felt particularly proud to have the impact of my work shared with such enthusiasm, so many years on.

What are you particularly proud of?
Think around a specific situation… What went well? Why did it go so well?

You have good reason to be proud - you have helped others to shine, allow yourself to shine inside too.

Take your learning further
Get in touch I would love to host a one-day ‘But what about the Boys…?’ training or a live online staff meeting series for your team, whether educators, parents, cubs, childminders or out of school settings

Look back at the ‘vintage’ Making it Better for Boys book. Some of the research has moved on but it still has much to offer- or connect for coaching, whatever your role with children or teams

The next boys book is a little way off but my fabulous FingerTips - TALKING TOGETHER book, eBook and podcast will give you so many tips and techniques that help boys and girls, grown-ups and grandparents- and this is the strategy I have shared today in my FingerTips Friday blog.